yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she looked like the before picture.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
