oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
