I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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