I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
