btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
