Im at strip club and am horny
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
