im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
