Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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