what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
