I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
