Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just googled if crying burns calories
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
