it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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