I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
