tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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