you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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