So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
