I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
