I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
