seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
