of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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