Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
