Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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