Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
