If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
