its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
