it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
