remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
