Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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