Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
