he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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