nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
