mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
