im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
