i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
