sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
