I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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