I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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