I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
