My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
