So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
