At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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