You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
