did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
two words: eviction party
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
