i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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