Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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