Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
