sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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