wat bout pragnant strippers??
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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