A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
