At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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