I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
