It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
