how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
