i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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